Signs That Santa Might Be A Stoner

We all know Santa as the jolly loving dude who lives in the North Pole. Did you ever think that he might be a stoner? Think about it, he’s always laughing, is nocturnal, and always has the munchies. Here are some signs that Santa might be a stoner.

The Signs

We’re not saying that Santa is a stoner, but some of the signs are there. A lot of his actions are kind of sus, which leads us to believe that his jolliness is more than just the Holiday spirit. Here are some signs that has us questioning some of Santa’s actions:

1. The Munchies – Isn’t it kind of weird how Santa is always hungry? He specifically likes cookies and milk, but it’s never enough for him. Also, he shows up unannounced into someone’s home at all hours of the night. If that doesn’t say stoner, we don’t know what does.
   
2. Talks To Animals – He’s always talking to his reindeer, but we get it. We tend to talk to our pets from time to time, but the song – Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer tells us that all of the other reindeer would laugh at Rudolf. This is until Santa stepped in with an anti-bully message. The song is fire, but it shows us that Santa may have been taking more than just milk and cookies.
   
3. No Bad Vibes – Another not so obvious sign is that Santa has a no bad vibes list aka the Naughty List. He doesn’t like kids who have been giving off bad vibes all year long. However, he takes it a step further and gives them a lump of coal. Up until now we didn’t think anything of it but it could be a hookah coal or hardened resin from his bong!
   
4. Flying High – So hear us out, once a year he gets all dressed up and gets his reindeer together and starts to fly. From what the Santa PR team has told everyone is that it’s some sort of elf dust. However, we’ve heard of some dank products that have been known to give people that feeling that they’re flying.
   
5. Gives Gifts – We don’t question where Santa gets the money to give all of them gifts. Nevertheless, we appreciate the generosity and come to expect it every year. However, older stoners from back in the day tend to be very generous when high. We know this one is a stretch, but it has us thinking.
   
6. North Pole – Let’s face it, Santa lives in the North Pole in a commune with elves and reindeer. A lot of Hippie era stoners would choose to move from the big city to the middle of nowhere to grow their weed in peace. Santa promotes love, and lives in a commune, are you starting to see it now?
   
7. Wears The Same Thing Every Day – We’ve never seen Santa wear anything else besides his red suit. Stoners tend to dress in the same outfit everyday because they’re comfortable. We’re sure that Santa has the money to buy more clothes, but chooses to wear the same thing every day….like a stoner!
   
8. Always Jolly – The man is always seen laughing yelling “Ho, Ho, Ho” everywhere he goes. How can someone be that happy all the time? What is in them cookies, Santa?
   
9. Only Works Once A Year – The fact that he runs his own business yet only actually goes out to work once a year just doesn’t seem right. We know that he has elves running the operation, but what does he do with all of that free time? Is he in meetings all day? Or is he having “sessions” when no one else is around.
   
10. Procrastinator – This one just doesn’t make sense, Santa has all year long to hand out gifts yet decides to do it only once a year. Huge red flag that he’s not using his time wisely, and is obviously up to something.

Conclusion

Some of the signs that Santa might be a stoner are obvious but some are not. We understand that the myth of Santa was made for children to behave in exchange for gifts at the end of the year. However, some of the myths sound awfully familiar and we couldn’t help comparing Santa to a stoner. Do these comparisons add up? Or do they apply to someone like Seth Rogan? We’ll let you decide.

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